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Joke of the Day

"Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly [emerges from cocoon] AH WTF I'M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT"

"What do you call it when Charlie Sheen's brother has sex with him? Emilio Incestevez"

"In an attempt to raise profits ... I've heard that Malaysian Air is considering offering 1/2 way tickets."

"What's more fun than swinging a dead baby by a string? Stopping it with a shovel!"

"9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?"

"My son is a real hand full. I didn't have any tissues handy."

"What do yo call a Mexican Titanic? Sink-o De Mayo haah"

"What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader? I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A FSHHH"

"Did you know 50% of Asians in America have cataracts? The other half drive Lincolns"

"Perhaps the darkest joke of all time. What happens when the sun goes down? It gets dark."