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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a zippo and a hippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter."

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"How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her."
"What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white? Alive"
"[roommate hears me come in] ""how was the date?"" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish"
"VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he's getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?"
"What do you call it when wolves get bad breath? Howl-itosis."
"Wal-Mart Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east? A: Because there are too many Targets"
"Before she died... Bully: *poking and pushing me into lockers* Me: You suck I hate you! Bully: That's what my mom said before she died... Me: ...oh"
"martha stewart put a drop of citrus oil in the bong water and i cant even be mad at her. in fact it is the opposite emotion"
"What did the spice scream during sex? Thyme cumin!"
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