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Joke of the Day

"Who is the most successful liar in the world? Mary. Lied about her extramarital affair, still believed by billions."

"All parents should give corporal punishment to their kids. You don't want the white kid to feel left out at school, when everyone is telling the ass whooping they got last night."

"I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!"

"I keep forgetting which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?"

"Me: What's the suite number on that address? 8: It just says ""Hashtag 301."" Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs."

"What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? Its asshole."

"How did Kurt Cobain die? With a Cobang"

"Which dinosaur walks with a limp? a Myfeetasaur"

"What do you call a person who makes surrealist sandwiches? Salvador Deli."

"What do you call Dana Carvey standing on the back of Dana Carvey? Turtles all the way down"