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Joke of the Day

"A nurse goes to write something down, reaches into her pocket and takes out a rectal thermometer ""Ugh, some asshole's got my pen!"""

"I think what I did to get away from that spider could qualify as parkour."

"How long does it take light to travel from the sun to the earth? Not nearly as long as it would take to travel around your mom."

"What's the difference between minesweeper and my ex-wife? I've never beaten minesweeper"

"TIFU by buying a 10"" speaker instead of a 12"" one. Whoops, wrong sub."

"If everyone has a beautiful side, I guess I'm a circle."

"Know why cowgirls are always bowlegged? Cowboys don't take their hats off while eating."

"Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?"

"Safe to say a good 38% of my life is spent trying to sleep while the 18yr old stomps through the house like an angry triceratops."

"Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark."