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Joke of the Day

"I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. Crazy conversations, he was definitely a seasoned veteran."

"To the fat people who get offended when someone makes a fat joke, I have two words for you: Lighten up."

"Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ? Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible"

"If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, ""WITCH!"""

"Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said ""Care to make this interesting?"" And I said ""Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"""

"""Since you both claim to be this infant's mother, we'll cut the baby in half."" OK. Sounds reasonable. ""Y...uh, alright then. Let's do this."""

"What does a cab driver have in common with a pool cue ball? The harder you hit them, the more english you get out."

"My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was ""practically screaming out at her"" That's the last time I buy her an orphan"

"Why can't ghosts have babies? Because they have hollow-weenies!"

"Why don't cannibals eat divorced women? They're too bitter."