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Joke of the Day

"To the fat people who get offended when someone makes a fat joke, I have two words for you: Lighten up."

"A man has an accident at the factory where he works... He calls his wife and says ""Meet me at the hospital! I just cut off my finger!"" Wife says ""The whole finger?!?"" He says ""No, the one next to it"""

"Why did the cat befriend the dog? Because the dog let the cat out of the bag! Haha!"

"Canadian territory puns? Yukon be serious! I'm having Nunavut."

"I gave my car some heroine and now it's a plane. Too bad it will eventually crash."

"Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos."

"What did the pizza say to the pizza cutter? Wanna pizza me?"

"Seven dwarves... sitting in a bath and they all felt happy. Happy got out and they all felt grumpy."

"Why wasn't Sean Connery standing? He had to shit."

"I'm developing a hand sanitizer that only kills the 00.01% of germs that the others can't kill. I'm going to make a fortune!"