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Joke of the Day

"A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog. EDIT: Credit to David Foster Wallace."

"Don't stare at me during sex! I don't know you!"

"Why I will never go bungee jumping... I was brought into this world through a broken rubber and I'm not about to be taken out by one."

"Do you know the difference between 5 minutes of blowjob and 5 minutes of sodomy ? Do you have 10 minutes ?"

"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar QUICK! Bar the door and burn it down!"

"Nice try, theatre ad. But some of us don't need to put our phones on silent, for we have prevented calls with our deplorable personalities."

"You know, as a child I was always told to give one hundred precent at everything I do... Needless to say the blood drive did not go very well."

"My phone just replaced the word ""killed"" with ""kilt."" Well plaid, phone... Well plaid."

"What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap? The bucket"

"What's the best part of finger banging a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free."