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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between oral and anal thermometers? the taste."

"I'm sorry. I had your Sharona confused with mine."

"My doctor said I have about a month left. So I stabbed him. The judge gave me ten to fifteen years. Crisis averted."

"I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid. It was terrible. I didn't know how to react."

"A tiny Shaquille o Neil inside a footlong sub lookin up at you and crying cuz he don't wanna be eaten"

"If there was a way to read a woman's mind...I'm still not sure I'd want too...I hate shoes, shopping, gossip & I already know I'm annoying."

"Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit."

"I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger and then it hit me."

"My neighbor was a vampire When I stabbed her in the heart with a wooden stake, she died."

"A Funeral Director isn't the best position in this economy... It's a dying trade"