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Joke of the Day

"A tiny Shaquille o Neil inside a footlong sub lookin up at you and crying cuz he don't wanna be eaten"

"I can be the man of your dreams... ...if you dream of a man who exposes himself to the elderly on public transport."

"My therapist says I'm narcissistic. How can someone who's perfect be narcissistic?"

"You know that video game, Mario, right? Do you know what his overalls are made of? Denim denim denim"

"It's so embarrassing when someone gets to second base with me and finds crumbs in my bra."

"What do you call a Mexican little person? A paragraph because he isn't a full ese (essay)..."

"How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better."

"I dance in my car, unashamed, in hopes of one day driving beside somebody as fun as me and sparking a dance off."

"Nissan trucks. What, are you expecting there to be a punch line?"

"Pro Tip Jehovah's Witnesses will do anything to talk to you, including your dishes and laundry Try it"