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Joke of the Day

"""I'm running late"" makes sense. ""I'm running early"" makes no sense. ""I'm standing impatiently early"" makes sense."

"Can you tell me a joke existential in nature?"

"One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week"

"I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Have you heard the story when the idiot said no?"

"Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality."

"Are you hot, dawg? Funniest dog joke I tell my pet beagle every hot afternoon. He laughs everytime."

"Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally... because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems."

"If you gave Captain Crunch a blowjob, would the roof of your mouth get all scratched up?"

"Oscars night, Leonardo DiCaprio walks to the stage... Steve Harvey follows suit..."