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Joke of the Day

"Oscars night, Leonardo DiCaprio walks to the stage... Steve Harvey follows suit..."

"Just dismissed my low battery warning while watching a p*rn. It's a fight to the finish now."

"My girlfriend of 3 years has never told me a joke. We are in a serious relationship."

"My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream."

"Why Did The Military Take Over Turkey? To Prove They Were Not Chicken"

"[God making a planet for the first time and just constantly screwing things up] Ugh, first world problems."

"BREAKING: Daniel on Facebook is worried about his account's privacy but Paul is all ""that shit's a hoax dude!"" More as this story develops."

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple a piece of toast to the ceiling."

"*Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!"

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?"