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Joke of the Day

"My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950."

"I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes ""Man, you're such a Cheetah!"" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever."

"I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. Ninety-eight of them said, ""Screamed get out.. get out of my bathroom?"""

"What do you call the area between Pamela Anderson's breasts? Silicon Valley"

"Star Wars has given me unrealistic expectations of who my father is."

"[ first date ] Me. Do you take drugs? Him. I never touch them. Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?"

"Why couldn't Pinocchio get a date on craigslist because everyone wanted ""no strings attatched"""

"I typed ""Missing medieval servant"" into Google... But it just came up with ""Page not found""."

"For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet."

"What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saurus?"