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Joke of the Day
"Star Wars has given me unrealistic expectations of who my father is."
Next Joke
"Aims at the heels, but hits the nose. What is it? A fart."
"Life advice: If someone ever tells you ""I'll be there in thirty minutes"", you should ALWAYS respond with ""You've got twenty"" and hang up."
"How much does the average Hipster weigh? About 74,000 Insta-grams."
"Who's the first Irishman to come outside every Spring? Patty O'Furniture"
"What time does an engineer set his alarm clock for? Around Thevenin the morning"
"That spray tan made me smell like burnt hair & cat pee with a coconut twist. If I could bottle this stench, I'd call it Jersey Whore Breeze."
"How does Avis feel to be #2? It Hertz"
"What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart? Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol"
"What makes cows and horses so valuable? They have a lot of moo/neigh."