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Joke of the Day

"This year's Delta inflight buckle your seat belt video isn't as good as the last one. I give two and a half seat belts."

"If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."

"What does a baker wear on his feet? Loafers."

"A pig, trying to save its life. After seeing a grill in the garden, the pig started to bark at strangers!"

"What do you call a squashed Italian? A Nepalitano. Oh yeah - wait a sec - OK - for the low-info crowd here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napolitano"

"Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby All right stop, Collaborate and listen This frozen baby needs to see a physician"

"So a pirate wants to get his ears pierced... He goes to the mall where he finds an ear piercing kiosk and asks the girl how much it would cost. The girl turns and says, ""Oh hi! It's a buccaneer!"""

"Just heard a little kid tell his dad he was a lion and his dad said ""Wow!"" What a fucking pair of idiots."

"Shout out to Mother Earth! She's 4.6 billion years old and still getting hotter."

"I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night. A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now."