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Joke of the Day

"GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables"

"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Flush"

"When I finally had sex in a hall of mirrors I was fucking beside myself."

"A cell's sister stepped on the cell's toe. ""Mitosis"""

"Why can't anyone tell my dads fat? Cause he grew up in Pawtucket."

"What birds are found in Portugal ? Portu-geese !"

"You can titillate an ocelot if you... ...oscillate its tit a lot!"

"Pinocchio in love So Pinocchio says to his father: 'Dad I'm in love!', his dad replies 'That's great, now you want me to carve you some penis?' 'No, better drill me a hole at the back' @_@"

"A Diamond Comes home to his Coal wife and Coal Child He says ""I've been under a lot of pressure lately (Edit: Just realized this was on the front page gaddamit)"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it."