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Joke of the Day

"For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years."

"I swallowed a live bee the other day It turned into quite an intra-sting situation."

"What are a parrot's favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!"

"Did you ever realize that almond milk lasts four times longer than regular milk? That's nuts, right?"

"How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn? China probably can pop corn in one minute."

"Doctor: You have to stop eating donuts... Me: OK D:...so that I can start the operation. M: [STUFFING DONUT UNDER OXYGEN MASK] For later."

"Knock knock Person 1: Knock knock. Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: Hammer. Person 2: Hammer what? Person 1: Hammertime! ^canttouchthis"

"My father was in the holocaust, he fell of a guard tower!"

"TIFU by whipping the wrong person at the BDSM club. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Even the coffee is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Wait...am I being poisoned? *drinks it anyway*"