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Joke of the Day

"Even the coffee is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Wait...am I being poisoned? *drinks it anyway*"

"My girlfriend said that she'd break up with me if I kerp on making cheesy puns Its okay some things just are'nt ment to brie"

"What do you call it when the host of Who Wants to be a Millionaire messes up while reading the question? A Regis Error."

"Star Wars 7 is when they all realize that they are just Andy's toys."

"""Another day another dollar."" - African kids"

"Why did the firefly keep stealing things ? What goes ""snap crackle and pop"" ? A firefly with a short circuit !"

"My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country."

"weed is a gateway drug. cocaine's a compaq drug. ecstasy is made by hp. heroin is from the guys that do the plastic computers in model homes"

"Generally speaking, a woman's hotness is directly proportional to the number of times your wife calls her a whore."

"I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me ""sweetie"" too."