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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my coffee... In an airtight bag in the freezer."

"Why is Bud light kinda like making love on a canoe? Because it's like fucking close to water."

"[speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*"

"wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] *calls wife* me: Can you bring me a shirt?"

"Why don't anteaters ever get sick? Because they are full of antibodies!"

"What does a dyslexic zombie say? Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!"

"Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long? Because old Hobbits die hard..."

"When you realize... The Ghostbusters (2016) budget was 153 million dollars. *facepalm*"

"How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson? it's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in."

"Jimmy was blowing bubbles in the bathtub... then Bubbles got up and left."