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Joke of the Day

"The new $100 bills are insane. A purple stripe, the hologram thingy, the Ben Franklin that says ""kill, kill, kill"" as his eyes swirl..."

"Apparently saying 'exist over there' while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings."

"I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don't need that kind of incentive to visit again."

"A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar He orders a drink"

"What is the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same."

"Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine."

"Did you hear about the bad pizza? It was a Peace'a'shit"

"Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college.. Her: Yes I did. Me: No you didn't. Her: Yes I did. Me: Oh you're good!"

"I don't know what the question is.. But violins is not the answer."

"Three guys walked into a bar... the fourth one ducked."