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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday my date asked me ,"" how do u view lesbians"" apparently in Full HD was not the right answer"

"10 years later if Romeo and Juliet had lived: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Sigh....trying to watch the game here Julie."

"Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally."

"How many shrinks does it take to change a tire? Well, first the tire really has to want to change..."

"It must suck when a billionaire... Wakes up feeling like a million bucks."

"What happens when you take the tea away from your guest? He's left there trying to ""guess"" what happened."

"Bum at the bus stop, lady walks up with dress up her crack, bum discretely pulls it out, lady slaps him, [hand gesture pushing it back into crack]"

"Doctor Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish!"

"My girlfriend always wakes up with a huge smile on her face. Goddamnit, I love my Sharpie!"

"Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS."