71849

Joke of the Day

"""In my defense, Your Honor, I only made comments about her yoga pants cause harassment a lot to me"" ""Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"""

"I was walking down the street one day.. and I saw a man taking a gate. I was going to say something but I thought he might take offence."

"What do you call a man wearing two rain jackets? Max"

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire :)"

"I look at beautiful girls the same way I look at traffic. Meaning that I'm stuck and going nowhere with them"

"I just heard about it and I totally think I am... What if I'm a hypochondriac?"

"My calculus professor recently divorced his wife .. .. one day he simply told her ""I'm making a you substitution""."

"My friend recently tried to get appointed chancellor of Germany but failed. I told him he was literally worse than Hitler."

"I could've sworn there was less grunting and moaning the last time I put these pants on... Maybe the donut in my mouth muffled it"

"Someone asked me if I wanted to watch Richard the third. I Said 'I haven't the seen the first 2'"