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Joke of the Day

"I just heard about it and I totally think I am... What if I'm a hypochondriac?"

"Startle and amuse your cat by replacing its kitty litter with Poprocks. (Ladies: feel free to share this idea on your pinny website thing.)"

"You don't need to put ""narcissist"" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying."

"My neighbour was rushed to hospital today after a wasp landed on his face. It didn't sting him, luckily I got it first with my shovel."

"A Pokemon go user walks into a bar Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it"

"If you're gonna write a 300 word Instagram description for your photo, go ahead & throw a murder confession in there. Nobody will ever know."

"Why is the quadratic formula so cool? Because it has 'ac'."

"What do you call thrusting a hairy rod in and out of your mouth really fast then afterwards spitting out a white liquid? Brushing your teeth"

"How can you mend King Kong's arm if he's twisted it? With a monkey wrench."

"To all the haters out there, I think Melania Trump's speech hit all the right keys. Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V"