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Joke of the Day

"My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. ""It's worth spending money on good speakers,"" he told me."

"You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron."

"""operation"" A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!"

"It's chilly this morning. I should let my nipples do the typing."

"So a guy goes to the doctor to get a physical and the doctor says, ""Holy shit you have five penises, how do your pants fit?"" The guy replies, ""Like a glove."""

"I went to the zoo the other day.. I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was a dog. It was a shihtzu."

"How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off."

"Why Did Hitler kill himself? He was told about his gas bill"

"What did the vet say about the maimed donkey? Wow, that ass sure took a pounding"

"I'm jealous of people who have more than one ab."