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Joke of the Day

"Just because this is a public space doesn't mean my tweets are meant for ALL of you to read! Please respect my privacy at this time!!!"

"I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready."

"What do cookies do when they have sex? They crumb. Alternate: ""What does a cookie say when its having sex?"" ""I'm crumbing"""

"i just foumd out that humpty dumpty is suposed to be an egg. nowhere in the humpty dumpty poem does it say that humpty dumpty is a egg"

"Women Q: What do you call a woman without an @sshole? A: Divorced"

"I find girls tend to make a lot noise in their bedroom Perhaps they aren't expecting someone to be at their window."

"Two muffins were baking in an oven... One says ""It's really hot in here"" & the other one said ""Oh crap! A talking muffin"". Kristen Schaal"

"I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket"

"Why do black men weep when they make love to white women? Mace."

"I created a new word today. Plagiarism."