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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions."

"What does a blind pornstar say when she's surprised? I did not see that cumming...."

"What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm? Magento"

"My rebellious teenage son robbed our local Chinese food restaurant ""You stole all of their chicken?!"" Tso"

"So the UK Government can now read my internet history... So I guess the only way I'm ever seeing tentacle porn again is if I take a shitload of LSD and watch Spongebob. Cruel world."

"corny joke I was going to tell you a joke about farms, but it was corny"

"You don't know awkward and uneasy until you've seen the way I hold a cat."

"If flying by the seat of your pants was so easy, do you think I would still be dealing with morning traffic to get to work?"

"Just got Lasik. 20/20 would do again."

"How many cops shootings does it take to have an indictment? Error [value unknown]"