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Joke of the Day

"So a horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender asks, ""Hey buddy, why the long face?"" The horse looks up and responds, ""I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts."""

"""First time caller, long time listener""Alexander Graham Bell"

"What do you call a fat magician? A 4-chin teller."

"There are only two types of people in this world... People who pee in the shower, and motherfucking liars."

"the dog ran into a fence chasing a squirrel. she doesn't look anything like me but she's mine. i can tell"

"Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves."

"Hi folks, this is your captain speaking. How crazy is it that we're about to FLY. I still can't get over it. Wow. How does that even work."

"Yelling ""YOU MONSTER!"" after someone farts in a public bathroom feels pretty great."

"What's the worst thing about suicide bombers? They're not organ donors."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate pizza before it was cool."