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Joke of the Day

"Hi folks, this is your captain speaking. How crazy is it that we're about to FLY. I still can't get over it. Wow. How does that even work."

"Why did the german die from his injuries Because when his friend asked if there is a number to call incase of emergencies like this, he replied ""999""."

"My wife said I was average. I said she was mean."

"I'm dyslexic, atheist and an insomniac... I stay up all night wondering if there *really* is a Dog."

"*prepares to cook vegetarian chili* *spills the beans* Whoa, I suppose you could call that.. *lowers shades with a spatula*.. Kidney failure"

"A warm toilet seat... A warm toilet seat is like fucking a prostitute. It feels amazing at first but you can't help but wonder who was there before you."

"I had an out-of-body-wash experience in the shower today."

"Why'd the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila"

"A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress"

"Whether you love him or hate him... ...Trump got more fat women walking in one day than Michelle Obama did in eight years."