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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans? The black one steals your watch and stabs you."

Next Joke
 
"Have you heard about the drought in Yemen? The UN is giving out a lot of Yemen aid."
"*smashes into treehouse* Gimme all ur snacks! *kid reaches for cans on a string to make emergency call but I already snipped the string*"
"You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog"
"Just had sex in an Apple Orchard. I came in cider."
"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentickles"
"Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this Me (being stabbed w/swords): I'm so sorry for getting blood on your swords"
"NSFW Wife: Darling, do I please you in bed? Hubby: Yes I love that trick you do with your mouth. Wife: What trick? Hubby: The one where you shut the fuck up and go to sleep!"
"Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup."
"TIFU by taking a shower. I wonder if they've noticed it's missing yet?"