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Joke of the Day

"TIL of a soccer player that is never invited to any parties He is just too messi"

"People say there is safety in numbers... Tell that to 6,000,000 jews."

"Difference between a 14 year old girl and a Volvo? I don't have a Volvo BOUND AND GAGGED IN MY BASEMENT"

"You know, they said it would take a few years for my medical practice to get off the ground... But I just don't have the patients."

"I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew."

"What time did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Ten-ish."

"My girlfriend has really changed since she became a vegetarian... ...sometimes I feel like I've never seen herbefore."

"So, my Doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating... I asked ""Why?"" and she replied, ""because I'm trying to examine you!"""

"You know why men die earlier than women? Because we WANT to!"

"If only Africa had more mosquito nets... ...then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids. - Jimmy Carr"