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Joke of the Day

"I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew."

"I was thinking of inventing some chilli flavoured sun cream. But for now I've put it on the back burner."

"I would literally never feel confident enough to drop a piece of equipment as expensive as a mic."

"Does anyone know where concentrate is? I've been drinking lovely orange juice from there for years now.."

"Babies make for the worst pets ever, I try to explain to all of the expectant mothers at the grocery store."

"If Mature woman who likes young men is a Cougar. What is a Mature man who likes young women? An Inmate"

"Being rich is like being pregnant Everyone is happy for you, but no one asks how many times you were screwed to get there."

"Luke: Did you get the card I made you? Vader: I couldn't read it. Your handwriting is awful. Luke: I HAD TO WRITE WITH MY LEFT HAND."

"What does a Necrophiliac have when he is turned on? Mourning Wood"

"The first rule of fight club is to ask her, ""Is that what you're wearing?"""