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Joke of the Day

"You know why men die earlier than women? Because we WANT to!"

"What did the dick say to the balls? You two wait outside."

"I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now."

"In a last ditch effort to curb over grazing, some ranchers have decided to drive their cattle up into the mountains. Analysts say the steaks have never been higher."

"What sucks about being black and jewish? You gotta stand at the back of the oven! Edit: I was at an [7] when typing this and fucked it up. It is better now. oven was bus. Changed bus to oven."

"Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it ""Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"""

"What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"I've completed my 1st four year term as husband and have been elected to a 2nd. Let the lame duck husbandry begin."

"Job interview tip: Bring a box to the interview, point at it and say ""I do all my thinking outside of that."" Then open some champagne."

"How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution"