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Joke of the Day

"Invite everyone you know over for dinner. Set the table really fancy. Serve 6 courses that are just mayonnaise in different bowls/plates"

"I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!"

"The detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case."

"old man's advice when you're young, she just takes your breath away, but once you're older, you realize she's suffocating you."

"Why don't you tell us what's really wrong, loud sneezers?"

"I got robbed last night The burglar replaced everything with an exact replica"

"I quit watching awards shows, because I never win anything."

"How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"I'm sorry and I apologize are the same thing... Unless it's at a funeral."

"Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel."