71531

Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry and I apologize are the same thing... Unless it's at a funeral."

"""UNLESS WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE THERE'S NO REASON TO SCREAM LIKE THAT!"" - me to my kid whenever he throws a tantrum"

"What do you call it when an Eevee (Pokemon) evolves into what you want with no interruptions? DirecTV (Say it aloud)"

"I once poured an entire bag of potato chips on my girlfriend. I wanted to ruffle her feathers."

"Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs? A: Cos they've no idea of the route."

"A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand... and says ""Make me one with everything."""

"how many Snapple Facts do I have to get before it counts as a GED"

"Well, I did it again. I focused on the one person at the concert who annoyed me and let it ruin my whole night."

"Welcome to anxiety club, I really hope more people show up. Maybe there was a terrible accident and everyone that was coming is now dead"

"A lot of people think the medical drama ""House"" is funny.... but I think it Hugh-Laurie-ious!"