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Joke of the Day

"[In cubicle at work] *pretends to start clipping my nails* *tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip* CW: WTF!"

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"What's grey and goes round and round ? An elephant in a washing machine !"
"How do trees get on the internet? They log in."
"At this point I feel like MTV is just trying to scare old people."
"Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle? When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection."
"a future joke: A Hispanic cop pulls over a white guy... white guy- ""Why not you stop bugging us minorities and go back to gardening"""
"I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams."
"I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.... But all it did was change the color of the baby."
"Why did the house go to the doctor? He was having window pains I'm sorry"
"Spoiler alert: Your '97 Nissan Sentra doesn't need one."