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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Who is the prettiest of my friends? Me: your mother, why? W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again."

"What do you say about a man with premature ejaculation and severe diarrhea? Easy come; easy go."

"The Puritans were a bunch of stuck-up pricks. They had such a holier-than-thou attitude."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? Arrrr, but his true love be the sea"

"My wife has her period so I suggested swimming, beach volleyball and a horseback ride. She told me to piss off. Commercials are misleading."

"What is black and has two broken arms? Muammar Gaddafi's sunglasses"

"Last weekend my dad caught me smoking a cigarette and for punishment made me smoke until I puked. This weekend I made sure he caught me in bed with my girlfriend."

"Don't masturbate with Crisco. It's shortening."

"Why do bad farmers make good DJs? Because they've got sick beets!"

"Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called ""Headmaster?"""