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Joke of the Day

"Tonight you will be bound and beaten until you almost loose consciousness and your tear ducts are dry Sorry wrong sub"

"Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!"

"I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. Which makes me an eighth theist."

"If a fat person has a fully functioning penis... If a fat person has a fully functioning penis, does that make them a sperm whale?"

"How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian? Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry."

"What do you mean by being loud? quiet the opposite."

"Are you African? ...'cause you're a frickin' babe."

"*getting murdered* First time? *sighs* You'll want to lacerate my abdominal aorta. *sighs, puts hand on the bottom of my ribcage* It's here."

"Where did Mary go during the bombing? Everywhere"

"God and the devil were arguing with each other... ... God says to him ""I've had it! I'm taking you to court."" The devil says back ""yeah? Well where are you going to get a lawyer?"""