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Joke of the Day

"Are you African? ...'cause you're a frickin' babe."

"Her: have you had the sex talk with our son yet? Me: *looks over at son wearing crocs* I think we can wait a few years"

"Never have unprotected sex with a cannibal. Or next thing you know, you'll have a baby in the oven."

"-I got you a birthday present... ...but I can't give it to you until tomorrow. -What is it? -It rhymes with 'Something to get drunk with'."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I dunno how they got in there."

"TIFU on the first day of my courier job . . . . . OP didn't deliver"

"The German folk singer was very dishonest with me. You could say that he lied."

"Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC? All the homes there are underwater"

"""Dad, did you know in some countries men don't know their wives till after they get married?"" ""Um, it's like that in every country, son."""

"What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security."