71045
Joke of the Day
"Long underwear is the fur that God forgot to give us."
Next Joke
"I like my cream like I like my slaves. Whipped"
"Jimmy how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more mom. It's empty."
"me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?"
"ME: hah, no way. well, maybe sometimes- or i guess...yes? i don't know, what was the question again INTERVIEWER: are you indecisive"
"I refuse to jump on the I hate Mondays' bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally"
"Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook."
"What did the worker ant say when the queen ant asked him to make mittens for all of the other ants? *Fuck.*"
"Scientists have finally discovered the secret of longevity of hedgehogs... ...It turns out, there is no secret. They don't even live that long."
"Republicans say ""Merry Christmas!"" Democrats say ""Happy Holidays!"""