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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a stoned pig? Baked Ham"

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster."

"As an American, the moment I stop feeling full is the perfect time for a light snack. Or maybe a whole cheesecake or dozen donuts. Whatever."

"A surrealist entered an Indian market. It felt very bazaar."

"I decided to read War and Peace whilst walking over the Golden-Gate, I'd heard the abridged version was easier to finish."

"Wine improves with age. I improve with wine."

"What's the difference between a microwave and butt fucking? A microwave doesn't brown your meat."

"Why does North Korea have the highest literacy rate? Because Kim Jong-un is supreme reader!"

"How does Yoda spend his time. He mostly just sits on his log, watching the Dagobah."