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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the constipated chancellor of the exchequer? He couldn't budge-it!"

"Just had a 10 minute argument about the importance wearing pants in public with a 5yo She won, today I wear pants when I take her to school"

"Dad: Level Expert Two cupcakes were baking in the oven. One of them turns to the other and say 'Wow! Its hot in here, isn't it?', the second cupcakes screams 'AAAaaaaa! A talking cupcake!'"

"I wanna thank my mom for not aborting me and my dad for buying cheap condoms. Love you guys"

"Old joke for Halloween. Why do witches not wear panties? For better grip on the broom"

"Why do monks wear such plain clothes? It's a habit."

"Listen to your instincts. Your gut is always right. It may be a little bloated sometimes...but it's right."

"It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist's finger before she stops believing that you're doing it accidentally."

"what's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station and ones a busty crustacean!"

"What emits a monochromatic beam of salty snack food? Frito Layser."