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Joke of the Day

"Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*"

Next Joke
 
"What Is The Best Sub Reddit To See Once Watching ""Gods Of Egypt?"" /r/EyeBleach."
"i'm only a good advice giver from 11pm to 2am central time. any time besides that if you tell me anything i'll just go ""oh."""
"""Maybe again but kind of bad?"" - sequels"
"What's the worst thing your wife can text you after she sends you nudes? ""Oops, wrong person."""
"Have you heard the one about the airplane? It's way over your head."
"As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse... You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen."
"[shark tank] ""Hi, what's your product idea?"" Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I'm here to see the tank of sh-... I've made a mistake"
"Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?"
"Jokes There are 30 cows in a field 28 chickens. How many didn't?"