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Joke of the Day

"""911 what's ur emergency"" This guy's not breathing ""Did u send him ur vibes?"" Yes I been sending em ""I'm sending some too"" Okay he good now"

"Half-Life 3 is getting made."

"Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25"

"[creation] GOD: So how do you like the flying? PENGUIN: Meh it's no big deal GOD: Oh is that right"

"Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ? Must have been a duck family A duck family ? Didn't you say there was a quack in it !"

"If Killing someone else is homicide... ... and killing yourself is suicide. Then killing your mother-in-law must be pesticide."

"Tell us a scary story! Ok kids, gather around *holds flashlight up to face And I'll tell you all that is evil *puts wedding tape in VCR"

"Are you an atheist, but uncomfortable with the atheist movement? Join the atheist stillness"

"I texted my girlfriend ""goodnight, love you"" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings."

"If you ever see me with one of those stick figure family bumper stickers it means I'm dead and someone is wearing my skin"