180530

Joke of the Day

"Tell us a scary story! Ok kids, gather around *holds flashlight up to face And I'll tell you all that is evil *puts wedding tape in VCR"

"Whatisthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardfor?"

"A young boy got expelled for the using the C word in class The principal asked him ""That wasn't clever, was it?"" The boy replied "" No, it was cunt"""

"Where do you buy a baby? Hole Foods."

"Studies show that people who start a sentence with ""studies show..."" have no clue what they're talking about"

"Shit happens ......every morning"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning."

"Wife: We don't have anything planned today... Me: Cool! Wife: ...so I was thinking we should... Me: (dammit)"

"I got a new job! I got a great new job working for The Mint. I'm gonna make so much money! Also steal a bunch."

"Sometimes you need to look for the small positives in life. Like a midget with HIV."