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Joke of the Day

"I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn't have done that to me."

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"[at Doctor's office] ""When's the last time you had sex?"" Last night. ""With a male or female?"" Oh...with another person?"
"Time zones are amazing! Here in New Zealand it's tomorrow, in America it's yesterday and in North Korea it's 1980."
"I got a new job crushing cans... It's so depressing..."
"I found a substance that works like catnip, except only for Chinese bears I'd release it, but that would cause pandamoanium."
"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Militant Femminist Barbie ...with an assault rifle"
"Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines."
"My pet peeve: ketchup bottle precum"
"Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to Windows 10? They revived to much XP "
"How do you organise a space party? You planet!"