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Joke of the Day

"A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park."

"Why did Trump go to space? Because hot air rises"

"What's the difference between a Russian ambassador and a chicken? The Russian ambassador is Turkey"

"10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t."

"ME: Hmm. My biggest weakness? Tough question. I guess some people say I'm delusional UBER DRIVER: I didn't say anything"

"[types symptoms into WebMD] WebMD: Eww. Gross."

"I had to ground my son for cursing. He turned the girl next door into a frog."

"One and only ""Damn, i would like to get down your skirt"", the horny boy said to the pretty girl. The pretty girl replies: ""why? There's already one ashole there"""

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher."

"How do you know humans can't reincarnate as insects? You've ever gotten one bug bite not on your crotch (or tits)."