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Joke of the Day
"incredibly rude how everyones out with their dogs rubbing in the fact they have a dog"
Next Joke
"I left my phone by my side while I was sleeping with an app to ""ding"" every time it recognizes a person that looks like me It ""dinged"" all night."
"QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful figure? ANSWER: Ask a woman her age."
"[strip to the waist for my fight club debut] Opponent: ""dude they meant the top half"" *walks away* [I claim victory and retire undefeated]"
"The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"I told my girlfriend I wanted some new pussy. She told me to grow an inch."
"Did you know Ice-T has a half-brother? His name is Arnold Palmer."
"Whenever I Get in Trouble My Back Hurts I guess I have scold-iosis"
"Wife: You're so lucky, I'm like a trophy wife! Me: Wow, I'd hate to see what they gave to the second place guy."