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Joke of the Day

"Did you here about the man who was diagnosed with Parkinson's. He was pretty shaken up about it."

"If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things: 1) Do Not Resuscitate 2) Smash Phone on Ground"

"My wife says I've left the toilet seat up ""like a bajillion times"" but I'm contacting Jill Stein to demand a recount."

"I saw a sign the other day the made me fucking piss my pants... ...it said ""Bathroom Closed"""

"""john, did you see my dog?"" ""Yes, i did. He was in the garden... ""He was in the garden doing politics, so i shot him"". ""How can you tell he was doing politics?"" ""He was eating shit, Sir !"""

"Dirty joke Do you know who the biggest whore in history is? Mrs. Pacman. For a quarter, that bitch would swallow balls 'till she died."

"I just emptied a caprisun into a glass and added vodka so that's where i'm at in life."

"I searched deep in the anals of history and found nothing but shit... Or ""The annals of history are mostly full of shit..."" *maybe that can be an adage or something?"

"I've just heard that Harrison Ford crashed his plane onto a golf course Apparently he was just dropping in for a Short Round"

"Where does sans live? Sans francisco"