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Joke of the Day

"My wife says I've left the toilet seat up ""like a bajillion times"" but I'm contacting Jill Stein to demand a recount."

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"Your password must be at least 8 characters long & contain a capital letter, a number, and a hideous personal secret."
"[1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]"
"Did you hear about the guy who's making ""Colostomy Bag Pipes"" on Kick Starter? They sound like shit."
"What do you call a shed full of colored folk? Antique farm equipment!"
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"What do you call a hatred for large plants? Bigotree"
"What what Juan's twin sister named? I don't know, Juana guess?"
"Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong? Because the rest are weekdays."
"I enjoy political jokes... I just don't like when they get elected."