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Joke of the Day

"My wife says I've left the toilet seat up ""like a bajillion times"" but I'm contacting Jill Stein to demand a recount."

"Your password must be at least 8 characters long & contain a capital letter, a number, and a hideous personal secret."

"[1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]"

"Did you hear about the guy who's making ""Colostomy Bag Pipes"" on Kick Starter? They sound like shit."

"What do you call a shed full of colored folk? Antique farm equipment!"

"Social services would take the kids away if they saw my house right now. Does anyone have their phone number?"

"What do you call a hatred for large plants? Bigotree"

"What what Juan's twin sister named? I don't know, Juana guess?"

"Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong? Because the rest are weekdays."

"I enjoy political jokes... I just don't like when they get elected."