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Joke of the Day

"The ATM told me, ""Not enough funds in account,"" when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account."

"I'm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, tell them, I'm outstanding."

"TIFU in the shower Although I still think Up is a strange name for a dog..."

"Why do black people have such big dicks? So they have something to play with on christmas. -inappropriate, but i think its funny."

"What is the definition of torque? When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet."

"I tired to kill myself today... But, it was all in vein."

"There is nothing wrong with window puns, I just don't like to shed light on them."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So they aren't mistaken for feminists."

"One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking."

"There was a documentary on TV about animal abuse. I felt lonely watching it by myself, so I made my dog watch it with me. Whether he wanted to or not."