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Joke of the Day

"Someone asked me to write a sad story in 3 words today I just replied ""Trump or Hilary"""

"I had a dream last night that I killed all those shirtless guys with ""swag"" and their duck-face girlfriends too. It was the Yolocaust."

"Yesterday I gave my seat to a blind man Today I lost my job as a bus driver"

"What do you call a whiny dog? A chi-WAAA-WAAA!!!!"

"I woke up with a raging hard on.... I called my wife over and told her to fix my clock. She said ""that doesn't look like a clock."" I responded, ""if you put a face and 2 hands on it it does."""

"why don't blinde people go skydiving? because it scares the shit out of their dogs"

"""Dad, how come we use plastic forks and my friends all have silverware?"" - Because they're poor and have to reuse everything. ""Pfft losers"""

"Did you hear about the guy who got a boner during a wine tasting? It turned out it was only a semillon"

"Did you guys know that my son is a really big star? Yup, he's 1.989 x 10^30 kilos and has a diameter of 1.4 million kilometers."

"If I ever get married, I'm not wearing white. Nothing to do with the whole virginity thing, and everything to do with being a sloppy eater."